There are hundreds of thousands of movies released worldwide yearly, and of those movies, there are bound to be hits, misses, and epic failures. Of the epic failures, below are three movies I wouldn’t allow even my enemies watch because of how badly the film affected me.
The Last Airbender
I was so excited to watch this movie because, hello, it’s the live-action adaptation of one of the greatest cartoons of all time and a personal favourite of mine.
The hype was real, the energy was there, and the trailers I’d watched made me salivate like I was about to be fed with the tastiest and most delicious food ever made. But what did I get in return? A bland, irritating and piss-poor adaptation.
It was so bad, my mum walked into the living room, sat down, and after a couple of minutes, she asked if this was the movie of the cartoon I made her miss the news for. I said “yes”, and she goes “so why are you squeezing your face in anger?” I didn’t even know I was doing that.
Imagine unlocking a reflex reaction of that calibre? From the acting, the pronunciation of names, the rules of bending, to everything they changed and totally destroyed, Lord knows I would never recommend this movie to my worst enemy.
I’m both glad and scared Netflix is giving us a live-adaptation series because I don’t think I can take it if they make it a catastrophe like this movie.
I’ll end this with what a wise man once said, “tueh”
Lagos Real Fake Life
For someone who hates taking drugs, I found myself heading straight from the screening hall in the mall to the nearest pharmacy to get painkillers after watching this movie.
The movie was LOUD! It was 70% shouting (cast shouting on themselves and showing how much “weyrey dem get for head”) and 30% of whatever the heck was going on in the movie. No head, no tail, just very loud AF vibes.
The one thing I thought Lagos Real Fake Life had going for it, when I initially saw the posters and ads, was the diverse cast. But that only made the movie even more annoying. It was this movie that made me realise that nothing good could ever come from casting Instagram celebs just to make sales, because the movie could have done without them all.
Imagine very rowdy and noisy Instagram comedy skits cranked up to the highest volume and going on and on for over an hour, that’s what this movie was basically about. The concept and plot were dope, but the execution was an absolute mess.
An extremely forgettable, and a very painful headache-inducing experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I’m going to have to take painkillers now that I’ve remembered this movie.
I’ll end this with what a wise man once said, “This ain’t it, Chief”
Lucy
I can never forget the day I watched this movie. It was back in University when I usually spent 11 straight hours in class, from lectures straight to 6-9 hours of practical classes, without any breaks. I always looked forward to watching at least a movie or an episode of a TV show or something interesting.
That fateful day, I got to my hall and found two of my closest buddies arguing about Lucy. One was saying it was really interesting, the other said it was horrible, so they gave me the opportunity to have the deciding vote.
The next 2+ hours actually scarred me. I felt dumber than I was before I watched the movie. And it wasn’t because Lucy was using 100% of her brain to do amazing stuff, while I use just 10% of mine, no. It was because the movie was just so dumb… A movie about being smart was dumb.
I’d watched Limitless, a movie about increasing brain capacity before and I was wowed. Lucy, on the other hand, was terrible. There was literally no point to the movie, and that ending? Jeez.
You know when halfway through something you already know it’s going to be a waste of your time but you still keep watching because you’re hoping it redeems itself? But at the end of the day, the movie ends and you are left there regretting watching such after spending 9 hours doing two different chemistry practicals.
Sadly, there’s going to be a part 2 of Lucy.
I’ll end this with what a wise woman once said, “Rubbish”.
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